£40 NLH Tournement at The Fullhouse, Reigate

Back in Reigate, back in the Full House, back playing bad.

First level I fold through the blinds, limp the button with A8h, flop the ace and take the blinds. Why not raise?

Second small blind I limp with five others with Qh10, flop comes Qxx two hearts, I bet 300 into the 350, get one call, turn comes a 7, I bet 650, same player - asian guy who was pretty weak agro - calls. River a queen, I check, he bets 750, I min raise, he calls. He has QJ.

All this time the guy to my right hasn't turned up, so he has to post a BB every round, which acts like an ante.

Next level. Down to 5000, limp too much with junk, down to 4000. Win a couple small pots; a guy keeps limping every hand, min betting 4 flushing flops, winning a ton of chips with junk, hitting flushes on two rivers, straights on the river. When he doesn't have the flush he has a better top pair then the other guy. I re-raise him with top pair a couple of times, and both times he folds.

Blinds goes up to 100-200; I raise the button to 1k with 57h; small blind call. He's pretty tight, so don't wanna see the ace. K910 board I bet 1.5k with 2k left behind, he folds showing the AQ, I show the bluff. Two hands later, last hand before the break, I make the same raise with AdQs in mid position, the two players directly to my left both call. Flop comes 3c4d5d - I check, guy to my left bets 2k, tight guy flat calls, after thirty seconds. First mistake - I call. Turn comes a Jh, I check, scared guy pushes for 700, tight guy calls, I call. River comes the 7d, worst card in the deck. Tight guy bets 2500 I fold. Weak guy shows A6c for straight, tight guy shows KQd for flush. I'm left with 2400.

I'm pretty sure I'm ahead pre flop. Flop doesn't hit many hands that call a 5bb bet preflop, and neither caller limp called. The 2k raiser could have 7's through 9's, straight draw, or flopped the wheel (which is pretty unlikely), or two diamonds. However, he looks super scared when he raises, and leave himself 700 behind, which makes no sense for a big made hand. When tight guy calls I put him on the flush draw; no reraise which he's done with made hands. He could have an ace high like me due to the previous hand, or two big diamonds - no raise so no pair/set etc. Unfortunetly, I'm pretty sure I'm winning, but don't have enough chips to reraise and get a better hand to fold. On the turn I can't fold for 700, still might have best hand, have minimum 8 outs. So 700 into 11300 makes sense. Also, if it comes a blank I'm pretty sure the tight guy will check. The fold on the river is fine; I can't beat anything but a bluff, and the tight guy isn't bluffing.

I might have been winning on the flop and turn, but folding the flop was still the right play. I could continuation bet, but will still get called on any bet less than an all in, and am not willing to push on such a draw heavy board.

The first hand after the break, I'm UTG+1 with A7s, push, get called by 44 in the big blind and lose the race. Not great.

I didn't play great, but my reads were better than the last tourney, though my plays were worse. So as a punishment I'm not playing the 10k gtd on saturday, but might play the main event at the Soveriegn on sunday, depends how I feel.

Bankroll £2185

2+2 = lolocaust

So there's this thing called the internet. It's an interesting place, full of pornography, music and gambling; it's also doesn't appear to have a sense of proportion.

And that brings me to the 2+2 Forum; I suspect that it's inventor David Sklansky had some beautiful utopian ideals when he set the fucking thing up, but at this point he's to busy fucking Brandi Hawbaker and playing like an old Grandma nit. Now this place is only suitable for the kind of people who use the phrase "lol" in a real life conversation. If I read another fucking Brandi Hawbaker thread, or see Bryan Micon's comically retarded mug again, I will be forced to use the suicide gun.


However, there are some good things on the old interw3b, namely "Jumping" Joey Sebok-Greenstiens ipo Pokerroad. Ok, so Amanda Leatherman only got a job as she's nailing the boss, and Pokerroad Radio desperetly needs some funny added to it mainly by by shooting Bart Hanson and bring Stapes back, but Two Jacks in the Hole consistantly brings the funny, and Big Poker Sunday is the first choice for sensible poker debate. And for fucks sake they need some new adverts - if Joe Sebok tells me how he's got my ears covered I'm gonna seek out Micon pictures.

New Year New Name

Back in the day I used to play only on Full Tilt Poker, under the name Bundy Johnny and was quite unsuccesful (side note; my account was named after the infamous serial killer Ted Bundy, as I was listening to police interviews with him at the time of signing up, though I like think to this it's also a homage to King Kong Bundy). Thanks to Sharkscope we can see quite how horrible I was.



So, as it’s a new year, it’s time to cut the apron strings of the past, and like a beautiful butterfly spring forth as Jawsus.





So, having signed up to Pokerstars and FTP as Jawsus, I’ve been playing the way I’ve always promised, within my bankroll and not take stupid shots in cash games. Just $10-$60 SNG’s and deep stack MTT’s. Loving the daily $20+2 NL deep stack tourney (5000 chips, 30 minute levels) at 'stars. Have cashed four out of the nine times I've played, highest finsh being sixth.

I'm up $650 on stars, and down $35 on FTP. I'm sure I'd be down more if it wasn't for the fact it's next to impossible to get money onto FTP. Seriously, I could hack the Pentagon using MS Paint before I ever got a Switch payment to go through.

I've decided to keep my internet bankroll and my live bankroll seperate as A) online's not real poker, B) I'm fucking awful at it, and C) It's really only for my enjoyment. It's stress releiving, like a nice scotch. In the words of David Brent "Some people like a nice bath to unwind. This is my Radox."

The graph's look quite nice, don't they?

£40 NLH Tournement at The Fullhouse, Reigate

I've moved, well I moved months ago, and Sovereign Poker's to far away, and I don't drive. So, instead of learning to drive like a normal human being, I'll find a club that's closer. The Full House was actually the first club I ever went to, one night on my way back from Brighton. It was shite.

Since moving here I've avoided The Fullhouse, mainly due to the tournement schedule - it was all rebuys, though on the plus side it did run a weekly PLO game that gets fucking massive, so massive I'm not allowed to play it. I fucking hate rebuys, there's some strategy behind them, but I cannot do it. They feel too luck intensive, and I never get enough chips at the begining.

So, I had a gander at the website, and was pleasently suprised to find that it's under new management, and the new management fucking loves a decent tournement structure. Three nights jump out - two £40 NLH freezeouts with 7500 starting chips on a thursday and saturday, and a fifty semi-freeze with 5000 starting chips on sundays.

Thursday was a forty night, and with a sping in my step I wandered down. The Fullhouse is located in the centre of Reigate, in a carpark, above some shops. It sounds seedy, but isn't - it's the nicest looking school I've played in, and will certainly be my new local. Great little bar area, free Cardplayers, computers for internet play, and 10 tables. Shame about the lighting, which made me feel like I was about to enter a Boxing Main Event, and the music was awful - all Dido and funky house. I think we all know that funky house is just a synonym for wank.

I got there thirty minutes early - unlike Sovereign I was unsure how punctual the place would be. At least the crowd was the same - the heady mix of Car Air Freshner and acne cream. Also, some cunt who claims to play all the EPT's is sat at the bar regalling us with a bad beat story. His quads were cracked by a straight flush, he couldn't believe it, and he can't seem to work out the cards needed for it to happen. Cock. Luckily I don't draw his table. I do, however, have to listen to him talking about Vegas, and while I finish my Guiness I'm reminded about a time I played in Reading with a fella who wouldn't shut up about how he'd play in the W-SOP; long story short, after about three levels of this guys hand by hand replay of his entire World Series, a genius old grinder at the table laughs "All that means is you wasted $10k." When the fella snapped back the he hadn't wasted the money the grinder retorted "Well who was stupid enough to give you that money?"

Eight-thirty rolls around and we kick off. A kid younger then my twelve year old brother is playing some really good poker - I'm gonna try and get to know this kid, because he's everything I should be - intuitive, agressive and lucky. He sat on the button, called a raise, re-raised the cut-off on a king high flop, then pushed to the cut-offs rereraise. When the cutoff folded his K10, he tabled J10. Next round, same situation, flop come 653 two diamonds, he raises, the cut-off reraise, he thinks for thirty seconds, the pushes. The cut-off calls, nay, instacalls, with 63c, and the kid turns over pocket fives. Blank blank. He's fat with chips, and the blinds are only 100-200.

The plays solid; he's set himself up pre-hand as a lunatic, and played that image right into a double up. Of course, you've got to be lucky that you flop a monster when someone flops a second best hand, but the repush screams flush draw. He knew where he was, he know what he had to do. Anyone would have won that pot, but this kid won the maximum. He didn't wait for a scare card to hit before he started to bet, he didn't flat call because he was scared of losing his fish, he played a good hand well. Nice hand sir.

I however, am playing like shite. Too loose to early too many hands. It worked to start, a ran the table over. Then I loose a third of my chips with Q10 on a flop of 10-4-5-A-7 two spades. I call a six hundred raise preflop on the button, flop the 10 and bet out 1500 into a 2k pot, and get called by the Tattooed Maniac to my right. Turn comes and ace, he checks I check, rivers a blank and he bets 1000. I stare at him, he stares back, and for some reason, even though the hand screams value bet, I call. He tables A3. Inside I scream.

I sit at 5-7k for the next hour, playing increasingly desperate. I win a nice little pot with pocket sixes, checking the 7-5-2 flop, betting the four turn, checking the queen river. Then I loose back all those chips with 44 preflop, when the kid pushes my 2k raise. Pretty sure he's got two overcards, but my aversion to coinflips kicks in and I fold. Then I chip up with AQ, and then like that I'm out. I raise to 2k with 66, get called by a big stack on the small blind. The flop comes 7-J-J rainbow. The chip stack bets 5k into the 5.2k pot, and all I'm thinking is AK. And yet he looks supremly confident, so I repush, for 5900. And he instacalls with pocket 10s, I brick out, and leave looking a little sheepish.

So yet again I fuck up two reads, and yet again I'm out early. Sort of early. I talk to the dealer, a fella named Scott - the tournement is playing a lot faster than I thought it would -not in a not having any chips way, though I was low for most of the tournement, but because most of the lunatics decided to get there chips in the middle as quickly as possible. Scott tells me that most of them don't understand deep stack poker. My table seems to.

As I leave the owner asks me my name, for records. A decent place like this will recieve my patronage for the forciable future, so he won't have to ask me it for long.

As a side note, the place lets you track you places, and sorts you into leagues for freerolls. Nice touch. It'll take a lot of work getting into the premiership league, as I appear to be lanugishing about 10 from bottom.

Starting Bankroll £2265
Tournement Entry -£40
Total Bankroll £2225

06/01/08 - £100+10 NL Main Event, Sovereign Poker Club, North Camp

Six days into the year and I’m already playing above my bankroll. The promise of a big win and big stacks always help, so with this in mind I wander into my ex-local card school The Sovereign Poker Club in North Camp; a tiny club full of local taxi drivers and students - you can tell them apart by the age and the cockiness. When did it become acceptable for teenagers to assume they knew it all? Back in my day for sure, and not much has changed in the last 5 years. The tournement de jour is a £100+10 main event, well above my bankroll but right in my wheel house. 8000 chips and a half hour clock - this is the closest I’ll get to a real Main Event, a thought which leadens my heart.

With an hour to kill before we start I sit down with £50 in the £1-£2 no limit cash game. Cash games at The Sovereign play like a reenactment of the Somme - it’s a war of attrition, people flinging there chips into the middle like a mad General playing toy soldiers. I see all ins called for £100+ with A3 vs QQ within minutes, and true to form the Aces win - the guy hits so many aces that I wonder if we’re not dealing off a blackjack shoe.

I spend the hour spinnig £50 down to £35, not really playing a pot. Nuts peddling is the only way I know how to play this table, and becomes impossible to do without once having the nuts. Grinding is broing, and I remember why I don’t play cash.

I chat to some of the regulars, who haven’t seen me for months but are always friendly. I can’t say the same for myself - most of these people have laid the kind of beats at my feet that would cause the Census beurau to question the laws of probability.

The tournemnt starts a half hour late - you can set your watch by it. A better showing they I expect - 54 people bother to tip up on a wet sunday afternoon to play the least gambling tourmement of the week. Most our out of thier depth - you can tell by the way they think about thier hands for a good thirty seconds before they fold. If this was a rebuy they’d be all in without a second thought, but tonight they play tighter than a diamond's arse.

I won’t bother you with the first three levels - I play slow, I get card dead, I get a rush. KK, folded after I raise preflop, then the flop when it doesn’t bring the ace. Next hand I get AJ on the button, get six limpers before I pump the pot up with a 7BB raise and everyone goes away. The I get AQs, get five limpers and do the same - this time with two callers. The flop comes 456 rainbow, and gets checked to me - so I raise half the pot, promptly get a call and a reraise all in, and an instafold from me. The caller does what he does best - calls - and I thank the lord I didn’t flop an ace. Surely I’m looking at a straight vs a set - pure cooler. And then the fucking mooks show thier hands - 67off from the calller, and K7 from the raiser. The board bricks out and the top pair wins. “I woulda folded JJ there.” Incredulous, I shake my head.

The break comes, and so does the shit talk. All fun, all nice, but with a little edge. Everyones a Hellmuth, and as such everyones a cunt. Myself included. I talk to Jason about the hands, we laugh, share some beats. Jason’s lost half his stack by getting outplayed by a fucking whack job with 10 high. Looks like some of the rebuy spirit might still be in the air.

Back after the break, and more of the same. I get into a etiquette argument, and tell a guy to fuck himself. He gets moved and I get lucky. With blinds at 100-200 I’m the small blind with 67d, everyone limps to a middle position who raises to 600, gets called by the button. I take a flyer, and one of the limpers call. Flop comes down A 4 8, and we check around, so now I know some one's fucking huge. Turn comes my gin card, a black 5 ball, and I bet half the pot. UTG fold, and the original raise min raises me to 2400, button calls, so I bump it up to 5500, leaving myself with 2000. Original raiser goes all in, button folds and I call. Trip 8’s vs my stright, the board bricks for the slow player, and he quietly bemoans his bad luck. Hold Em can be so easy.

So now I’m pretty fat, make some bluffs, make some hands, and I finish the break with 28,000. The blinds start at 300-600, so I’m a long way from safe.

The next hour and a half are odd - my high point is 35k, I knock two people out with AK and Aces, both times they push against me. I get moved tables and it’s the exact opposite - I’m zigging when I should be zagging, I’m playing bad, and I’m card dead, and I finish the 600-1200 level where I started - 28k. On the break I chat to one of the dealers - I’m playing on a time table, and it’s a long taxi ride home. I tell him by the next break I’ll be at 70k or out. My last train is at 11:40pm, and worst case scenario will see me on it.

I like to keep my promises, and get a big opptunity. With the blinds at 800-1600 I raise to 5k with JJ. The guy next to me - not exactly a student, but about as smug as the worst calls me on the button. The blinds fold. He’s been doing chip tricks all day, but he’s also got the worst habit a good player can have, Creative Play Syndrome. CPS isn’t bad most of the time, but this fucker can’t help himself, he’s read to many books, and plans to use everything in one hand.

No reraise tells me he doesn’t have a monster - Aces and Kings would look to reraise, especially from a good player. Queens might smooth call, AK might, any pocket pair. The flop come down QQ2, and I’m pretty sure I’m winning - the pots big, and I wanna get all the chips in now, before the ace or king hits and I fold. Check raising all in would be best, a bet out might not get the call, but the check raise will. So I check, and he checks behind. The turn brings the 10, and I bet 7.5k, and imedietly get reraised all in. Now I really have to think. AK seems unlikely, and only gives him 6 outs. A queen would defo play like this, so would a set of tens. But so would almost any pocket pair. He’s either huge or thinks he’s winning.

I always read smugness for strength. When someone thinks they know they’ve done something clever, they look strong. But doing something clever doesn’t mean they’ve got the best hand. I don’t want to put him on one hand, but if I do, he’s gotta have a-10 suited. If he does, I’m winning. It’s 11:00, and I’ve gotta get chips ir get gone. So I call. He turns over 33, says nice call, and ships it. No three on the river. Nice hand sir.

Next circuit and I bust a medium stack with A8. She raises 2.5bb, I flat call in the cutoff, and so does the big blind. The flop comes a k8x. She bet 6k, and I call. The turn comes a baby spade, giving me second pair and a nut flush draw. She bets 6k again, and I call. River comes an 8, she bets 12k, and I put her all in. She thinks, calls so passivly that I now feel bad that I’ve cracked aces. I turn over my a8, she knuckles the table and looks like she might cry. She had k10.

Now I’m super fat, and coast to the final table with over 80k. We’re 9 handed, first is £2200. We cut £200 off top, £100 of second, so nine through seven pay £100 each. There’s a couple of short stacks, but it’s all pretty even. CPS is still to my left.

I stay tight for the first few rounds, folding AQ under the gun, folding pocket sevens to a small raise. I’m waiting for something big before I commit. The taxis gonna cost me a minimum of £100, so I want at least £400 for my endevours. And eventually I get it. I’ve blinded down to 52k when a local grinder, Greg, raises all in, for 51k. All the dealers hate Greg as he doesn’t tip, so I’ve at least got that on my side. I repush, and no one calls. I’m sure I’m infront, I’m sure of it. 70-30 baby, show me your AJ. Except he hasn’t got AJ, he’s got AQ, and we’re off to the races. Flop comes babies, turn comes baby, river come paint. But good paint, a king. So I’m up to 120k.

Turns out that the rebuy spirit is in tonight, as some monkey’s made it to the final table in seat two. He’s been playing bad all night, but better lucky than good. And then he goes on stone cold monkey tilt, calling an all in on a q high flop with A10, no pair no draw. And then he calls another all in with J9, and wins, knocking out a student. Posh kid, nice, but no class. He berates his way out of the tournement. So now we’re five handed. CPS has come unstuck with A7 vs AQ, and is now low, with 20k. He pushes under the gun, the monkey calls, and I call with A8h. Flop comes two hearts, we check. Turn no heart, we check. River brings the heart I need, he checks, I bet 20k, he gets mad - “Why bet there? Why not check it?” and then folds. I show my nuts, CPS shows 10 9 of spades, and whinges about how he was infront on the flop. Bye sir, nice game. And then there were 4.

By now I’m pretty tired; it’s close to two, so we’ve been playing 10 hours, I haven’t eaten since breakfast, and we’re still four handed. We break down evenly between the rebuy artists and the less crazed. I’m decent in chips, a solid second, with Monkey Tilt in third, and another fucking maniac, Ricky, in fourth. I’ve managed to avoid Ricky throughout, and to be fair to him, while he might be stone cold crazy, he’s got some skill, understands hand strength, and can put it all in with nothing. He also understands that he’s going to have to get lucky.

We play a couple of hands, Monkey Tilt continues to slow play preflop and get all his money in bad, doubling Ricky up AK vs Q5 after he limped in UTG and pushed on a Qxx flop. Next hand it folds to the Monkey in the small blind, which he pushes. I’m in the double b with K9off; now normally I’d be 50/50 to call here, it’s not the greatest hand, I’m not ahead of much, sometimes I'd go so far as saying I shouldn’t really call here, but this guys been pushing weak kings all night, so that helps the decisision. His range is so wide that I’m probably dominating him, or flipping. I discount him having a big hand - he’s not bright enough to push with it. It’s pretty much an instacall, but I take a minute. He tables his J10, I catch a king, but also a queen, then he turns a flush draw, but bricks the river, and leaves in fourth. A few hands later and we’re on break, and Monkey Tilit berates his luck at not being able to hit the river. Of course I agree with him.

The break finshes, and I’m in the small blind, 6k/3k. Ricky pushes the button, I wake up with aces, and his k10 doesn’t catch up. At this point it really is just about catching cards.

I’d like to pretend I’ve played brilliantly, and to be fair I played well at the begining, but most of my chips have come to me through getting a big hand against someone overplaying a weak hand, a coinflip or sucking out. If I win, it’s not just been through being the best, something that most tournement players at my level don’t like to admit.

Heads up and we’re pretty even. I’ve got 225k, my opponent’s got 221k. He suggests a chop, straight down the line, but I’m feeling good, maybe I’m on a tare, so don’t feel the need. The guys good though, he’s hit some hands, but also been playing aggresive on the final table - he’s been chip leader since the final 10, and kept his chips slowly increasing without much danger. He’s also a nice guy. And I immedietly regret not choping as I run my chips down to 120k in 10 hands. Bad bluffs, bad calls, no hands. I’m tired. So I start pushing. I win back to 150k, then get QQ, raise, get reraised and push. He calls with 88, I hold up, and now I’m fat again. So again he asks for a chop, and I give him one - £200 of the top, we play for £400. He agrees.

It’s over in six hands. I win two, he wins four, and then pushes my blind raise. Blinds of 8k/4k, I raise to 30k with A8d, a he thinks for thirty seconds before pushing. Pretty sure he’s got a small pocket pair - maybe up to 10s, possibly a monster, but only possibly. Even if he has kings I’m 30/70, and in my current frame of mind I’m pretty sure I’m not that much of a favourite to win it, so I call. He tables pocket nines. I flop an 8, turn a blank and river the 8. He looks sick, but smiles and shakes my hand. Nice to see a little class in the final hand.

I've won tournements before, nothing huge, nothing as big as this, but the feeling is always the same. I'm drained and a little disapointed. If you'd asked me if I wanted to stop before the last hand thenI'd have said yes in a shot, but now all I really wanna do is keep playing, which I can't. The beat didn't help, it never feels like a straight win when you suck out. I'll never understand those mooks who play the world series who scream when they hit a three outter, but I suspect that's because I'm usually the guy who's been sucked out upon. Well not tonight.

All told I win £1800. After tipping the dealers I’ve got £1620. They tell me they we’re both thinking “No Queen, No Ace” during my coin flip with Greg, so I’ve got to tip well. It’s four in the morning, I can wait 2 hours for a train, or pay £100 for a taxi home; sitting in the cash games I spunk £200 in an hour, then pay for the taxi home. My lovely fiance is pissed off about the hour, upset that I didn't call, but the £900 pounds I give her for a new sofa soon perks her up. I fall asleep and don't dream.

Starting bankroll; £1000
Cash Game; -£15
Tournement buy in; -£110
Tournement win; £1800
Cash Game; -£200
Total Bankroll £2265

What do you think boggly-eyed fella?

"...and the mileometer of life clicked back to zero"

The term manifesto... Not really. Can't take myself as seriously as some.

I played all last year and only lost a grand. And this was a success, at least I considered it so. Previous years had seen me run a reasonable bankroll up to the heady heights only to be dashed upon the rocks of idiocracy. Playing above your bankroll is like being Icarus - you soar higher then ever before but gravity is the ultimate rake.

I set myself a limit - £1000 to last the year, and if I fuck it all by febuary then I won’t play until January. It also kept my wonderful fiance silent, and soothed my inherent tightness. So obviously by December I was out of cash and not playing for the last couple of days of the year, but once New Years rolled by and the mileometer of life clicked back to zero, I'm back to playing again.

So, another day another dollar, or $2000 to be precise. And with it a new idea - before I’d just written my results as numbers in a diary; now I’ll write them in a blog. The first step is to decide where I’d play, and how. Tournements are my first love, and will continue to be for the next 12 months. Live is better than online, if not for structure then for sociability.

Starting Bankroll; £1000